Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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