I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
