he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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