Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
