she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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