I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
