you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
