I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
