At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
