this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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