"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
