this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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