Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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