I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
