I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
