i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
