Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
