I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
