So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize