I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
