i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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