Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
