I have demons in me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
