i will never coherently bang her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
