just tell him i said nine months
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
