You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
