Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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