So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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