i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
