You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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