Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
...so i touched it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
