We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
