If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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