You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
