After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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