You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
