They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
