Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize