You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
