so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
