I'm lost and stupid without you.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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