i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
