how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize