I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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