I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
