11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Come on in and take your pants off
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