I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize