she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
