Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just forgot I was standing up.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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