there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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