so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
