He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
