you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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