people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
