it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
