And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
