Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize