I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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