And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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