you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
