I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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