someone owes me an orgasm
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
