Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
