dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
