Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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