She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
