While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
NoShamevember. You game?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
