you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
