i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
