just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
