I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
