You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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