the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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