So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
