he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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