I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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