Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
