Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
