she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
