i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
