She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
