Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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